The Angel
by Arai Otome
Summary: Duo feels heartbroken as he watches Trowa and Quatre. He wishes he could have the same thing they have with Heero.
1. Tears of Pain

Duo watched as Trowa wrapped his arm around Quatre's waist

Tears of Pain

Duo watched as Trowa wrapped his arm around Quatre's waist as the two of them watched the sun setting over the lake near their safehouse.He saw Quatre snuggle close and his shoulders lift in a sigh of contentment.Duo sighed, but his was not a sigh of happiness.Duo had not been his happy, cheerful self lately and he knew it.Ever since Trowa and Quatre finally got together . . .

He watched the two of them, so happy together.A happiness that he himself never seemed to possess.He felt the hole inside of him grow larger, and the deep longing he possessed grow stronger.He wished so hard that he could have what they had.He'd give practically anything.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and forced his eyes away from them; downward.He imagined that it was he and Heero rather than Quatre and Trowa who were so happy together.But in the back of his head he knew it was only a dream; that he and Heero would never be able to be together.Heero would probably end up marrying Relena.

Duo couldn't even bear to think of that.It was too painful for him to bear.Jut the thought of the two of them together could send him into a state of depression for an entire day, which seemed to be happening a lot lately.He seemed to constantly be depressed, but how could he not be, when the one thing he wanted most in life was so close, yet so far away.

He looked up.There was Heero a few yards ahead, sitting on the grass on the way back to the safehouse.His head was bent and his was intensely studying the content of some device.Duo sighed.He was tired and didn't feel like walking all the way around Heero, just to avoid him.He started towards the safehouse steering a few feet away from Heero, just to keep it safe. 

Once inside the safehouse, and in his room, he collapsed on the bed.He didn't know how much longer he could take this mental torture.He squeezed his eyes shut and hugged his pillow as tears of pain began to roll down his cheeks.


	2. The Littlest Angel

Duo slowly opened his eyes

The Littlest Angel

Duo slowly opened his eyes.Sunlight was streaming in through the window on to his bed.He lifted himself up and sat on the edge of his bed.What time was it?He glanced down at his watch: 9:32, it read.Oh, well, he might as well get up.He normally didn't get up until at least noon when they weren't on a mission, but he could make an exception.He had a hard time sleeping in the bright light and he didn't feel like going back to sleep anyways.Duo stretched, loosening his tense muscles.He got up and headed down the stairs.

Duo walked into the kitchen, where Quatre had been making breakfast.There were a few dishes lying on the counter.Duo could tell by what was out that Quatre hadn't just cooked breakfast for himself.It looked like Quatre had enjoyed a nice breakfast with Trowa that morning.Duo thought of the time he had attempted to cook breakfast for Heero. Setting of the smoke alarm and scaring everyone out of their wits wasn't _exactly_ the romantic breakfast he had planned.

_*Heero,* he thought, as all traces of happiness escaped from him.Why did Heero have to torture him like this?Why couldn't he just get over him?He wasn't the world's greatest guy, and he certainly wasn't exactly the nicest person Duo ever met.So why did he love him so much?And why was it so painful?Duo sighed as he dropped into a chair at the table._

"Good morning, Duo!I didn't expect to see you up so early!I made you breakfast, even though I know not to expect you till lunch." Quatre giggled."I don't even know why I still make you breakfast every morning!You're rarely up in time to eat it, so someone else always has to."Again Quatre's bubbly laugh tinkled through the air.Duo forced a weak smile. Quatre stopped giggling as soon as he saw Duo's saddened expression.Normally Duo loved hearing Quatre's sweet laugh, but for some reason it cut into the silence, and Duo's loneliness like a knife.

Quatre hung his head as he piled food onto Duo's plate."Oh, Duo . . . Why . . .?" Duo placed his hand on Quatre's arm, silencing him.Quatre's tear-filled blue eyes met Duo's wounded violet ones.

"Quatre . . . Please don't cry for me." He said softly.He looked away."I cry enough myself."He added quietly.Quatre turned back to Duo, tears streaming down his fair cheeks.He opened his mouth to comment, but Duo silenced him.He gently wiped the tears from Quatre's face.He feigned a smile."Thank you . . . for the breakfast."Quatre smiled, gratefully.". . .and thank you . . .for caring."Quatre smiled, touched.He knew how hard it was for Duo.

"Duo, I promise, I'm gonna help you.Together, we'll make it through this.I _promise_."Duo smiled up at his friend, this time a true smile.One Quatre hadn't seen many of lately.He knew Quatre would keep his promise.*_What an angel* he thought, *__a little angel.*_


	3. The Journal

The Journal

The Journal

Duo dragged himself up the stairs and into his room.He collapsed onto the bed.He placed his hands underneath his head and stared up at the ceiling.He just stared, looking off into space.He had been unhappy before.Sure, he'd had low times in his life.Who hadn't?But he had gone beyond unhappiness.Now it was depression, utter despair.He felt he couldn't sink any deeper.

His mind immediately went to Heero.When didn't it?He thought of the intense pain Heero brought to him.Why did he let Heero get to him?How could he help it?He hated having this happen to him.He knew Heero wouldn't want him; he was too busy with his prissy little queen of the world.What the hell did he see in her anyways?A pang of jealousy ran through him.

Duo sighed as he thought about how Heero always seemed to ignore him.At least he had Heero's friendship.If you'd call it friendship.Heero did seem closer to him than anyone else, even though he wasn't exactly open.But it was that friendship that had cost him his happiness.Now he lived almost soulless, numb to any feeling but those of pain.

He sat up and reached over to the table between his and Heero's beds for his journal.He opened it up to the first blank page.He wrote until it was too painful to write anymore.He wiped the stay tears off of his face.Then he put down the journal and headed outside.

*********

Heero walked into the room he shared with Duo.He sat down at the desk and began tying on his laptop.He checked his files.No new missions yet.He wondered how much longer this gap between missions would last.How much longer would he have to stare at a blank screen?He switched off the laptop.He swiveled around in his chair. 

He noticed something lying on the table beside his bed.It was a small leather-bound book.Heero flipped it open to a random page.Little did he know that it was the journal entry Duo had written only minutes before . . .

Heero began reading what was written.Parts of it were had to make out.It was written sloppily, and there were blotches were tears had fallen, smudging the ink.But Heero tried to read it anyways.

_Heero lately has just ignored me.As usual.Why does he do this to me?Why?Does he find some kind of sick pleasure in my pain?No, he couldn't. He doesn't know how I feel for him.If only he knew.If only he could just open his eyes and look at me for once.Does he not see me?Is he blind to seeing me, me completely weak and defenseless? Entirely at his mercy.How can he not see that the only thing in the world that I care about is him?He's all I can think about, all that I want to think about, even though the pain cuts through me like a knife.I love him more than I could ever say.If only he could just see me.To just take one look, and know how I feel about him. _

_ _

_Oh, Kami, why do I love him so much?Why can I not fall in love with someone who actually cares for me?Someone who loves me?I wish, more than anything that I could just walk up to him and kiss him.But I don't have the courage.I couldn't stand the rejection.If only . . ._

_ _

_If only he would love me.If only he would tell me. If only he would smile.Even if it was just once.If only he would laugh.If only he would love me.What I wouldn't give for him to love me.I would even cut off my braid, if I could only have his love, even just for one day.Oh, Kami . . ._

_ _

Heero blinked.His eyes widened.He didn't know what to do.He collapsed back onto his bed.He reread the entry.He noticed how the spots from the tears were still damp.He had no idea that Duo felt that way.He shakily closed the book.He just sat there for a moment, stunned.

_ _


	4. A New Entry

This chapter is dedicated to Crazy One, who gave me the idea I needed to continue the story

This chapter is dedicated to Crazy One, who gave me the idea I needed to continue the story!

Chapter 4

Heero carefully set down the small leather bound book as if it was about to disintegrate in his hands as he just held it.He was amazed that something so small and so seemingly insignificant could hold so many secrets and mean so much to someone.He never truly understood the power of words until now.

He never knew Duo had such feelings for him either.He just sat there on the edge of the bed, trembling.He shakily ran his hands through his hair.He slowly stood up, still quivering.He took a deep breath, still trying take everything in.

He stood there wondering if he had done the right thing, when suddenly he heard the soft thumping of footsteps on the stairs.He quickly walked out of the door, accidentally striking his arm on the doorway as he stalked out.

He ignored the pain shooting through his arm as he walked past Duo.He showed no emotion as usual.He couldn't bring himself to look at Duo.He knew if he looked, he might not ever be able to tear his eyes away from him.

Duo watched sorely as Heero ignored him, yet again.He wouldn't even look at him.He didn't even acknowledge Duo's presence as he passed him on the stairs.Duo sighed.He walked into the room and lied down on the bed.

Duo breathed in deeply.He wondered what would happen next.He picked up his journal, which was laying on his beside table.He opened it up.

*Wait a second . . .* he thought as he sat up with a start. *This wasn't in here before . . .* He began reading the entry:

_Dearest Journal,_

_ _

_I guess I'm left here with you.You alone are the only one I can truly confide in.I can't express my feelings to anyone else.No one else could understand me.They wouldn't be able to understand.They couldn't understand._

_ _

_I am so confused right now.I am lost and don't know what to do.I must confess to you that I am in love.I am in love with the most wonderful person in the universe.I know that I cannot express my love, not only because of the intense fear I have of rejection, but because of what might happen if they knew I loved them._

_ _

_I know that if they found out, they probably wouldn't want me anymore.They would probably shun me as if I were some kind of a freak._

_ _

_This does not stop my love.Even though I have to be the Perfect soldier, that cannot stand in my way. _

_ _

_Ai shiteru, Duo. _

_ _

_With all my heart, _

_Heero_

_ _

Duo gasped.

***************

_To be continued. . . _


End file.
